This Simple Life Hack Will Make you Thinner, Smarter, and More Emotionally Stable

Now, no one’s a fan of high maintenance bitches.

It's like, okaaaay, we get it Ms. Super Hot with the great skin and the perfect nails and the amazing hair, like, where did you even get your hair cut?

Like, who did it though?

Do you have their number?

Do you think that place is on Groupon?

But there is indeed one aspect of life where I whole-heartedly recommend being the most Kardashian-status high maintenance bitch:


Be an indulgent sleeper, my dear Bar Fly.

Be a motherf#@$ing sleep princess.

Deprivation has been scientifically linked to a lot of bad stuff that you don’t want to mess with.

Cosmetically speaking, sleep deprivation ages your skin, makes it hard to build muscle, and even causes weight gain.

Recent research has shown that not getting enough sleep messes with the hormones that regulate hunger and satiety, ghrelin and leptin, and I’m sure we can all attest from personal experience to using food, and probably crap food at that, to getting us both physically and emotionally through those long, sleepy days.

What's more, deprivation can be straight up dangerous.

Cognitively speaking, it makes you forgetful, inhibits your reaction time and decision-making abilities, and puts you at higher risk for diabetes and heart disease. 

And did I mention that driving drowsy is, in many, cases just as bad as driving drunk? Yep, it's responsible for 100,000 car crashes and 1,500 crash-related deaths a year, according to National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

And remember the Exxon oil spill?


Guess what sleep deprived dudes were operating heavy machinery those days... 

So now that you're sufficiently freaked out, let’s take a turn towards the positive and talk about all the amazing benefits you’ll be able to enjoy with a proper amount of sleep.

Aside from boosting your mood and making you more emotionally stable, sleep improves memory, brain function, and physical dexterity. 

It boosts immunity, spurs creativity, sharpens attention, lowers stress, and all around improves your quality of life.  

Though they’re still unclear as to exactly how it works, most scientists agree that sleep helps consolidate memories and information for both your declarative memory and your procedural memory. 

In other words, making you more likely to ace that test, master your backstroke, or make the best high stakes business decision. 

So if you’re torn as to whether you should keep practicing, researching, or studying late into the night OR just put it all aside and get a good night’s sleep, the latter is gonna be your best bet for performing well. 

Now, how 'bout some tips on how to get more sleep?

If You're Not Prioritizing This Easy Life Hack, You a Damn Fool!

Did you ever see that Bradley Cooper movie "Limitless" with the pills that essentially make you the superhuman version of yourself?

Now what if I told you that you had a secret, unending supply of holistic limitless pills hiding right in your own home?

They’re free of side effects and all you have to do for payment is keep your head on a pillow for 7-9 hours a night.

Would you do it?

Proper sleep simply will make you the best version of yourself. It'll make you smarter, thinner, happier, and, without enough of it, you're primed to gain weight, become depressed, and...wait, what was that last one?...oh yeah: forget stuff.

So I know it’s hard to make the time and we’ve all got super busy lives. But there're some really simple, small changes you can make here and there that, over time, will help you start to create better habits and put you into the flow of getting enough sleep. 

1. Make a bedtime ritual for yourself

For me, I wash my face, brush my teeth, and read a book in low light. It doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to be consistent.

2. Exercise

It helps tremendously in both falling and staying asleep, as well helping you stick to a somewhat consistent sleep schedule. 

3. Avoid bright lights before bedtime

4. Turn your clocks away from you and stop stressing about the time

5. Power down!

Turn off the TV, shut down your computer, and stop checking your iPhone. I know this one's the toughest, but it's also the most effective.

If you love being engaged in some way as you fall asleep, listening to a podcast or reading a book in low light should do the trick.

6. Channel your inner-Eric-Northman/Bill-Comption/True-Blood-character-of-choice, and keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet

Buy some earplugs, invest in some blackout curtains, and try to keep your room temperature around 60-67 degrees.

Listen, you work hard and you owe it to yourself (and the people who have to be around you) to make sleep a priority.

So go forth my dear Bar Flies and cultivate that precious relationship between you and your pillow. 

Demand your sleep! 

Cherish it and honor it with the respect it deserves!

Now go forth and go to bed!